So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
