Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize