Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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