You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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