just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
