I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
