It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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