Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
