Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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