Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
