When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
