I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
love makes seman taste better
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
