Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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