I must be too annoying 4 u.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just want to make out with him forever
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize