i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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