I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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