I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
