I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
