Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
