Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
