She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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