All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
