I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
