when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
this boner is exhausting
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
