I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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