Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
