Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
