Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i was born a porn star she said
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
