We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
