Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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