My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
