she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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