guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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