I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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