She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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