After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
As shirtless as possible
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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