it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize