I'm lost and stupid without you.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
