The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
