you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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