I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
