GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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