I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
