I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
