Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
