I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The uberlube is also flammable
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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