What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
