airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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