I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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