I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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