Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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