i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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