so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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