i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
