So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You can't motorboat a personality
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
