We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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