when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
