I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
