i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
