I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
