I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
