i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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