it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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