Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I believe in your delicious
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
