Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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