3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
