So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
