I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
