This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
