that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize