I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
